Thursday, January 26, 2006

NotAPixelOfSanity - The Contest Is On

OK, so just when I'm about to chuck the contest and write up a media release about how the entire IT industry is a happy happy joy joy heaven on earth with sensible working hours, intelligent clients, reasonable deadlines, software that always works first time every time no matter how many surprise changes you make at the last minute and, for that matter, throughout the entire development process ... after I was going to interview diPisano himself along with a few other shiny smiling IT workers ... somebody goes and sends in an entry ... and even invents his own category to boot.

So the contest is on. I'll wait till I have a few more entries and then I'll post the book in progress every ten or so entries. When it reaches some kind of critical mass, I'll publish the final version and give it an ISBN and then ... who knows?

The name of the book is ... NotAPixelOfSanity

The picture above is the book's cover. It's the Brock Parks cover for Team Player buggered up by some writer dude.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Biggest Contest That Never Flew

So you've probably read the media release that came right before this entry. I mean, what's so goddam hard about clicking a button and sending a message with, hey, a paragraph or two about how effing ludicrous your job is when you work in the IT industry?

I mean, I FEEL YOUR PAIN.

:)

No ... really ...

I FEEL YOUR PAIN.

So why the hell didn't you tell me about it?

So far ... not one bloody entry for the contest. I mean, it's time for another media release about how everybody in the industry is happy and just peachy-keen with the way the industry is going, and all the IT workers agree that nothing interesting ever happens and software always works perfectly first time, every time.

In fact, I think I'll interview Brad, John and diPisano. Get their thoughts.

I think I'll do that.

Right now.

Right away.

Friday, January 20, 2006

Absurd Industry Contest for the Worst of Everything Digital

Summary: ErectSoft INC, the world’s largest computer company that has never produced a single product announces the Absurd Industry Contest.

“After working off and on for nearly a third of a century in the IT industry,” said author Biff Mitchell, “I can’t imagine a more absurd line of work. So I invented a company that’s having a contest to recognize the absolute stupidity of the computer software industry.”

Mitchell’s latest novel, Team Player (Double Dragon Publishing, ISBN 1-55404-314-X), satirizes work in the computer industry through a fictitious company, ErectSoft INC. “It’s the largest software company in the world,” he said. “But it’s never produced a single product or finished a single project. This discovery is made by the lead character Malcolm Gray, who wonders one day why he can’t recall any of the projects he’s worked ever going beyond the initial stages of project definition. He begins to ask questions and soon realizes that the company has never actually done anything but start projects.”

Gray goes to the company’s website looking for answers, but finds no more than meaningless corporate garble. “ErectSoft INC has only one product and that product is a solution, the only solution you’ll ever need for your enterprise-wide business applications …” said Mitchell. “It means nothing … absolutely nothing. But there are hundreds of websites on the Internet with wording not much different.”

In Team Player, Mitchell gives the web address of his fictitious company: www.erectsoftinc.com. “I bought the domain name,” he said, “and created a website for it – a site very similar to the one in the book – and I plan to use it as a portal to everything absurd and ridiculous about the IT industry.”

Mitchell has plans to link his ErectSoft website to a forum where IT workers can gather to exchange stories about their absurd experiences in the industry. “To kick it off,” he said, “I’m sponsoring a contest – The ErectSoft INC Absurd Industry Contest.”

The contest invites IT workers to submit stories describing their most absurd experience in the industry, which will then be published in an ebook “when the content mass reaches the appropriate level of absurdity.” Categories include absurd projects, products, management decisions, companies, documentation and interface design. The contest even allows entrants to invent their own categories. The ten most absurd entries will receive autographed copies of Mitchell’s novel. “And there’s no entry fee,” said Mitchell.

“I plan to release an updated paperback version of the novel at lulu.com later this year,” said Mitchell. “The book was originally published in Australia by Jacobyte Publishing in 2001 and some of the technologies could do with a little updating. It’s the updated version that I’ll be giving out to the ten most absurd entries.”

Visit ErectSoft INC at: ErectSoft INC. “Just like in the book,” said Mitchell.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

The Winter Blahs ...

For anyone who has ever experienced the winter blahs living in the desolate regions of Canada's East coast, you ... you can empathize with Sara Beth's (one of the lead characters in the sequel to The War Bug ... and a close personal friend) rant on winter, which goes like this:

"Why, Why do we stay here? Why do we crawl into our hatchbacks to force open our frozen car doors from the inside? Why? Why do we endure the trauma of frozen metal on our bare pinkie fingers. Why does the frozen metal insist on taking off the top layer of skin from our defenseless digits?

What is the purpose, when the flu pandemic\war bug is going to turn us all into frozen remnants for scientists to find hundreds of years from now in the exact poses we died in..."

Sara Beth ... I am not worthy. None of us are worthy. I erect in my mind a monument to your infinite insight.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Fictionwise Takes A Chance on The Baton by Biff Mitchell

Summary: Biff Mitchell goes over the top in The Baton, his recently released novella about a serial killer who eliminates all those people who the author claims “we all wish we could strangle,” but the Dollar Download ebook still finds publishers.

“I didn’t think anybody would ever publish it,” said author Biff Mitchell about his novella The Baton, which was recently released at Fictionwise.com through US publisher Echelon Press. “But Karen Syed at Echelon was adamant the she wasn’t going to back away from flack a controversy might bring on.”

Described by one reader as “Holden Caulfield on steroids, “The Baton is about a man who has had with telemarketers, people who butt into the front of the line or play their music too loud, cell phone bullies, and sidewalk spitters. “He hates them all,” said Mitchell, “just like we all do. So he starts following them. And then he starts killing them.”

“The original title was Killing Assholes,” said Mitchell. “But that gave the story away. So I changed the name to The Baton and started giving the story away in media releases. I think, though, that there are people we all wish we could strangle – people who seem to exist for the purpose of making everyone around them feel inadequate, used, or miserable. There are entire websites dedicated to people who are proud to be called assholes and their numbers are growing.”

The Baton was picked up by Echelon Press, an aggressive independent publisher in Maryland, and published as a Dollar Download ebook. “I liked the concept,” said Mitchell. “Selling short pieces of fiction individually seemed like the days of Dickens when you could by a single printed short story for half a penny, except now their sold electronically for people to read on their computers or PDAs.”

According to Mitchell, one of the biggest catalysts in what appears to be “a renaissance in short fiction” is Fictionwise.com. “They started publishing individual short stories alongside novels so that people could download a good read just long enough for a morning bus commute, something that could be ordered, downloaded and read on a wireless handheld device while in transit – and usually for less than a buck.”

“It seemed natural that a short fiction innovator like Echelon would form a distribution partnership with Fictionwise,” said Mitchell. “And it appears to be working well. The Baton is my second Echelon novella to be posted at Fictionwise, but I’m particularly happy this one made it. There’s a lot of violence, strong language and downright nastiness in The Baton, but it’s not meant to just shock. I think it has something to say to everybody in an increasingly crowded and intolerant world.”

According to Barry Hunter’s review in Baryon Online, it’s “a satisfying short tale that makes you look at life a little differently.”

“It was my teenage daughter who suggested I write it,” said Mitchell. “She said she was tired of listening to me complaining about all the inconsiderate store clerks, maniacal car drivers and noisy people in theatres and dared me to write something about them. So I did.”

“But I’m still surprised that any publisher would take a chance on that story,” said Mitchell. “I think I let a lot of strong feelings flow into it – feelings what surprised me as I was writing the story.”

The Baton is available for less than a dollar at: Fictionwise.com

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Team Player's Out

Hey ... surprise! I was. Team Player's out in ebook format now at Double Dragon

It comes complete with new cover art by Brock Parks.

I'll be reading from this one on February 19th at 2:00 PM at Molly's on Queen Street.

I'll try to keep it civilized. Sort of.

The cover art is in the posting right before this one.